Orgasmic Knowledge
An intimate conversation with Zoë Ligon, the teacher we wish we had at school to learn more about sex.
Photo by: Paula Andrea / Zoë Ligon, author of Carnal Knowledge: Sex Education You Didn't Get in School
Living a healthy life means integrating all aspects of our being and our lifestyle. You can control what you eat and how much you exercise, but if you don’t take care of your emotional, spiritual, or sexual being- you will not feel so healthy and happy. There is so much misinformation around sexuality- especially online, that can lead to anxiety, confusion, and negative thinking patterns. It is our responsibility to place more value on our sexual health and pleasure. To be truly happy and healthy, we need to develop habits around self-love, including sexual pleasure.
There are different ways to express your sexuality in this world. Opening your mind to new possibilities will make you a more authentic being, since it will be based on a true desire and not on conditioning, beliefs, or fear.
Implementing self-love practices can change how we experience sex and lead to better sexual awareness. For this issue, we decided to interview the amazing Detroit-based sex edutainer, journalist and artist, Zoë Ligon. She is the owner of a progressive online sex toy emporium, Spectrum Boutique, where she has made it her life’s work to “blast away the stigmas and misinformation that prevent us from having the amazing sex we all deserve.”
Photo by: Chloe Sells
How did your path as a Sex Educator begin?
I began selling sex toys when I was 21, and found myself frequently having conversations with customers that had similar themes; suggesting that one pair lube with a dildo, for instance, would sometimes cause a knee-jerk reaction from people under the impression that using lube meant you had a “problem”- when in reality, we all stand to benefit from using lube. I started to write about the various stigmas I encountered while selling sex toys, as I myself was learning and growing as a sex educator. I found a casual, yet personal writing style that blended my personal experiences with the things I was learning from books and from daily conversations with customers. That grew into writing paid articles for various publications, and that was how I was able to really strengthen my writing skills… 7 years later, I am a published author!
How did the lack of sex education while you were growing up affect the understanding you have about sex now as a grown women ?
I actually did receive “comprehensive sex education”; however, that just discussed anatomy, pregnancy, and more mechanical aspects of sex as opposed to the nuances of pleasure, consent, relationships, and so on. My sexuality was primarily impacted by the media I consumed (i.e. Cosmo magazine, Degrassi, MySpace era social media, and online chat rooms), as well as my home environment living with my abusive father. I loved my dad very much, but his covert (and sometimes overt) abuse is something I am still grappling with as an adult. My adult sexual self has had to do just as much unlearning as it has learning.
Has sex helped you to generate more self-love? And what does self-love look like for you?
I used sex to self harm in many ways as a young adult -- throwing myself recklessly into various relationships and flings while ignoring red flags and ending up in abusive dynamics. Right now, self-love is more about accepting wherever my sex life is at, and not having unreasonable expectations for what it looks and feels like. Masturbation and partnered sex that is more emotionally connected than orgasmic is what self-love looks like for me right now.
Photos by: Chloe Sells
Do you practice energetic sex?
I think that term can mean different things in different contexts -- if you’re using the definition of “hands-off” sex, then I can’t say I’ve personally experienced it but would love to try it out!
Which is your favorite technique to connect with your inner goddess and your sacred femininity?
For me, my masculine energy is just as sacred as my feminine energy, and I really see them as one life force of “me”, rather than a feeling of femininity/masculinity. Connecting with that inner me means being physically present in my body, not dissociating from it or fighting against it. While it’s not something I can easily bring myself to do, journaling and meditating in more active ways (i.e. walking meditation) is the most effective way for me to reconnect my consciousness with my body. Since the pandemic, I have fallen madly in love with nature, and enjoy experiencing nature even in the dead of winter or alone in the woods at night. Once it warms back up, I am going to try my darndest to learn some basic bushcraft skills. Being able to appreciate the planet with minimal interference from technology is something that makes me feel very connected to myself and others.
Do you relay on other sources other than your own body, dreams and desires to experiment and educate yourself about sex? like books, guided meditations, Podcasts, films, etc?
Yes absolutely! I’ve learned so much from the writers and educators who have paved the way for me to do what I do. Female Ejaculation & the G-Spot by Deborah Sundahl is one book that taught me a LOT in a very short period of time especially as far as understanding the internal clitoris, G-spot, and the general landscape of my vagina! A lot of the education I’ve gleaned has come from sources that are not as directly about sex as well. The Lolita Podcast by Jamie Loftus is a recent listen that has had me deep in the shadow work of processing sexual trauma on a personal level. While it is a very difficult and triggering subject matter, I highly recommend it as a series for understanding childhood sexual abuse -- something that has impacted my sexuality and how I relate to sex… probably more than anything else. Jimanekia Eborn’s Trauma Queen podcast is also a wonderful series that seeks to normalize talking about trauma. I also highly recommend her guided meditations on the Emjoy app!
Photo by: Chloe Sells
What do you hope to see more of online in terms of wellness content and sexuality?
We need more diversity in sexuality spaces, across the board. This goes beyond hiring and collaborating. It means putting marginalized voices in leadership positions and supporting marginalized content creators and businesses with our money. We all benefit from having more voices and resources which can speak to sexuality outside of the white, cis, heterosexual frame that currently dominates sexuality spaces. The societal shame around sexuality is a direct result of colonialism, and we must actively work to dismantle these systems of oppression if we want to have any hope for a pleasure positive future.
Some women never get to explore and enjoy their sexuality because they grew up surrounded by social judgement. What advice would you give a woman who still feels insecure about connecting and exploring her sacred feminine sexuality?
There are no “shoulds” when it comes to sex. It’s your choice as to when, how, and even if you connect with your sexual self. It’s a lifelong journey, and not a destination, so be patient and loving with wherever you’re at.
How has sex influenced your art?
I started making collage art out of pornographic magazines when I was 18, so I would say it’s influenced it a great deal. I began collaging because I had no other visual medium to express myself at the time, and I just naturally gravitated towards the pornographic content. While I never had this intent while making art, it was definitely a safe way for me to express and explore my sexuality at the time. Now I more often work with my own body as the medium. I have been on OnlyFans for over a year, and while I don’t consider that my “art”, I absolutely love getting creative with my own nudes.
Any advice on purchasing your first vibrator? Also, what are your thoughts on the clitorial sucking vibrator which is trending right now?
Pick something versatile, and read reviews from a wide range of sources. If the toy is versatile, you’ll be able to use it more than one way, and therefore the chances of you enjoying the toy are much higher. Pick something with multiple speeds, and something can be used internally or externally (just about any internal vibe can also be used externally, and it provides more reach!) While you can pick a vibe recommended by a friend, don’t assume it will work the same way for you -- everyone’s different!
Air pressure stimulators are a newer genre of sex toy -- some of them are literal pumps that remove air and are far more intense, but the original style of this toy is a pulsating membrane that creates pressure within the nozzle so that it feels like sucking but it’s not a literal pump. It took me a while to appreciate this type of toy, but now I am very much a personal fan. It’s a very unique sensation, so don’t expect it to feel like a vibrator (or like oral sex.) If you know you like intense, focused stimulation -- go for it!
Photos by: Zoë Ligon
Do you use your orgasmic energy to heal and elevate your consciousness?
I can’t say that elevating my consciousness is a part of my sexual practice, but orgasms are definitely healing for my physical body. Masturbation is like eating and sleeping, it’s a necessity to help my body feel nourished and happy.
When we change the way we see sex - which is something that has been positioned as unnatural for so many years - back to the natural perspective that sex is life and that we come from it, we can break down all these beliefs and taboos that move us away from discovering true sexuality. This creative life energy that has led millenials to rejuvenate, to heal, to transform, to communicate, and to empathize. What do you think the future of sex looks like?
It’s hard for me to be optimistic right now when so many people are dying and making massive personal sacrifices just to survive. We are not going to be able to address our collective issues with sexuality until we begin to heal from the violence plaguing our society -- the violence towards fellow humans and the violence towards our planet. As long as the inequality between the billionaires and the rest of us continues to widen, I’m not sure I can have much hope. Being “sex-positive” is far more about taking care of each other rather than accomplishing some complicated sex move. Some of us can use sex as a healing distraction, and I celebrate that as a beautiful way we can connect on a small scale. While I certainly don’t know how we can heal on a larger scale in order to live in peace, I am confident that if we talk about it instead of letting it live in the shadows, we can get there together.